


An Electronic Letter

by babyblueglasses



Series: Infinity War Fix Its [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Fix-It, Gen, Humor, Light-Hearted, Major Character Death: Thanos, infinity war fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 02:17:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14510358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyblueglasses/pseuds/babyblueglasses
Summary: Tony and Loki seek allies to aid them against Thanos. When searching for a particular e-mail address, Loki realizes they've been looking for aid in the wrong place all along.





	An Electronic Letter

Tony plodded into the common room, a spoon sticking out of his mouth as he fussed with the lid of an ice cream pint. Loki was hunched over a laptop at his spot on the couch. His furious typing of before was suspiciously absent. Tony skid to a halt when he saw Loki’s expression. 

“Don’t tell me you actually found the guy’s e-mail address?” Tony asked, drawing the spoon from his mouth.

Loki’s voice was distracted as he replied. “No. I was going to devise a means of contact, but then I discovered that the Grandmaster isn’t on Sakaar.” 

Tony wasn’t sure what that had to do with what Loki was staring at on the computer. “Where is he?”

“Here,” Loki said. “On Earth.” 

Tony leaned over the back of the couch to get a better look at Loki’s laptop. On screen was rather tall man reclining back in his chair. He looked more like someone’s kooky thespian grandpa than an unfathomably powerful ancient elder of the universe. Tony blinked. And he was on _youtube_. 

Loki hit play. 

Tony stared, ice-cream forgotten. When the brief video ended, Tony was silent. Loki’s expression turned morose. “Oh. That is _sad_ ,” Tony said, genuinely pained. There was enough second hand embarrassment that Tony would’ve looked away if he hadn’t been so fascinated. He’d never really put a face to the guy Loki had talked about. 

Loki turned towards Tony, awkward and uncomfortable. “What?” Tony asked. 

“He intends to rule Earth.” 

Tony scratched his beard. “Yeah. That does put a whole new spin on getting his help.” The man’s melt stick looked like a last minute prop made by someone’s indulgent mom, though. Tony knew what Loki had said about it, and he believed him, but still. “It beats trying to take Thanos down ourselves.” Tony took a deep breath. They could figure out how to ditch the Grandmaster afterwards.

“He’s got forty-five views on that thing,” Tony said. “And it’s been up for what…a few months?” Tony set the bottom of his pint against the back of the couch, digging his spoon down into it. “See what else he’s got.” 

There was a second one of the Grandmaster at a keyboard, jamming away while several people shuffled anxiously in the background. 

“I feel sorry for the fifteen other people that had to watch that,” Tony said. “Give it a thumbs down.” 

“We are supposed to be ingratiating ourselves to—” Tony sighed. Loki folded his arms over his chest, leaning back against the couch. “I don’t think we can simply e-mail the Grandmaster and expect our problems to be solved.” He stared expectantly at Tony, irritated. 

“Do you want some?” Tony asked, extending the pint towards him. 

Loki’s eyes darted across the label before he accepted the container, taking the spoon from Tony’s hand. He might as well enjoy chocolate and peanut butter ice-cream while he could. 

“Do you think it’ll be enough to tell him that someone’s encroaching on his territory?” Tony asked. 

Loki shook his head, dragging the spoon from between his lips. “I find it peculiar that he left Sakaar.” The spoon hovered above the ice-cream as Loki thought. “Sakaar was molded to his liking. What does he gain from being here?” 

“Maybe he’s bored,” Tony said. Loki took a bite, frowning. “Or he wants something?” 

“How can we manipulate him?” Loki asked. “It will be difficult to do it in a way that does not backfire.” 

Tony wanted his ice-cream back. “You know that I can throw a good party. Maybe that’s all we need. We’ll just have a few drinks and talk him into it.” A dull smile flickered across Loki’s lips in reply. They heard the elevator doors draw open. Tony looked back to see Thor, whose attention landed on his brother first as always. Like Tony, he didn’t seem to like the expression he saw there.

Thor strode towards the couch. Loki spoke before he could ask. “The Grandmaster is on Earth.” 

Thor’s eyebrows pinched together, and in that split second Tony knew Thor loathed the guy on a level he couldn’t fathom. Thor stood beside Tony, glowering at the screen where Loki’s finger pointed. 

Then, suddenly, his entire face lit up. “I know him!” 

Loki and Tony rolled their eyes at the same time. “Thor, buddy, we know you know—” Tony started. 

“No,” Thor said. “Darryl! That’s Darryl!” 

He was positively beaming. Loki and Tony stared at him, dumbfounded. 

“Thor,” Loki tried, somewhere between concerned and condescending. “I assure you that is the Grandmaster—”

Thor shook his head at both of them, leaning over the couch and stealing the laptop from Loki. He held it up, pointing to the man they’d ignored in the back. “My roommate! Darryl and I were roommates when I was staying here on Earth.” 

Loki and Tony exchanged looks. 

“Do you still have his number?” Tony asked. 

Thor’s smile faltered. “I don’t have a cell phone.” 

Loki sighed, stealing the laptop back and ignoring Tony and Thor as they discussed how to locate Darryl. The Grandmaster may have had a couple of videos, but as it turned out, so did Darryl. 

Loki went back to poking around the Grandmaster’s social media. Thor was lecturing Tony on how he’d never had time to answer his calls even if he’d had a phone, and Loki might’ve laughed if the situation had been less dire. Loki cleared his throat. Tony brought up how one of Thor’s ravens had left droppings on his car’s windshield. “Are you done?” Loki asked, voice jumping. They both paused. 

“Yes?” Tony tried while Thor scowled at his rude little brother. 

“Our focus shouldn’t be on the Grandmaster. It should be on Darryl.” They weren’t following him. “Darryl is in a position to convince the Grandmaster, and we are in a position to convince Darryl.” He rose from the couch. “Are we ready to go?” 

There was a moment of silence before Tony dug into his pant pocket. “We’re taking my car,” he said, knowing damn well not to travel the ways that the brothers did if he wanted to hold down his lunch.

 

It was nothing but dumb luck that enabled them to speak to Darryl without the Grandmaster present. The latter was at a hot yoga class with one of Darryl’s friends. Tony had been given the task of ringing the doorbell, much to Thor’s distaste. Loki and Tony had pieced together that Thor hadn’t been Darryl’s favorite roommate, even if Thor didn’t think so. Loki ran the risk of being recognized for New York, and that wasn’t a great first impression. Tony was flat out famous, but maybe it’d work to their advantage, and it was their best shot. 

Darryl dropped his coffee mug when he saw him. 

Then he simply stared, almost afraid. “Can I come in?” Tony asked. “I have just a little bit of Avengers business to share with you.” 

Darryl stared at him long and hard before he mustered up a whisper, “Are you here to get rid of him?” 

Tony gestured to open the door, glancing back behind himself as if to check for the Grandmaster, when in reality he was making sure that Thor stayed crouched down by the bushes. Darryl let him inside. 

It was a lot to take in. That was all Tony could think of the place, crammed with replicas of the Grandmaster and dozens of lit candles as if it was a shrine of self worship. Darryl showed Tony over to the couch, the shattered mug forgotten. 

Tony brushed some yellow flower petals away before sitting down. 

“He’s crazy,” Darryl whispered. “You have to get rid of him.” Tony pulled his attention away from a fountain in which the Grandmaster’s head was tilted back, spitting out a stream of pink colored water. “That’s why you’re here, right?” 

Tony rubbed his nose. “Yeah. It’s slightly more complicated than that.” He gave Darryl a tight smile. “There is a guy, worse than the Grandmaster, if you can imagine—” Tony grimaced at the way the fountain spontaneously lit up and projected a hologram of spinning lights. “—And we need you to convince your roommate to get rid of him.” 

Darryl’s face was an odd mix of fear and disgust. “You want me to ask him for a favor?” 

There was a thud outside. Tony and Darryl both jumped, looking to the front door just in time to see Thor striding in, Loki scowling in his wake. “Darryl!” Thor exclaimed, throwing his arms wide open. “How are you?” 

Darryl didn’t seem to know how to feel. He simply sat there, stunned. Thor picked a statue up off the table. It was of the Grandmaster in a questionable pose. “You seem to be doing well,” he said, inspecting the statue. He set it down. “You look good,” he added, ignoring Darryl’s new blue face paint and asymmetrical costume. 

Loki turned to Tony, who immediately shook his head slightly. “Darryl,” Loki said, striding up to the man. Darryl didn’t like that Loki knew his name. “Do you enjoy living with your roommate?” Darryl shook his head slightly. “Well, how wonderful for you that we can get you a new one.” Darryl glanced at Thor, dubious. “A _human_ roommate,” Loki added, offending Thor. “All you have to do is tell the Grandmaster that you feel…threatened by a being named Thanos. Then he won’t be a problem for us, and the Grandmaster won’t be a problem for you.”

Darryl needed time to think. Loki seized the opportunity to meander over to the bookshelf beside the couch, feigning innocence as he browsed. Loki snatched a familiar spiral from between a couple books. He flipped it open, spinning through the pages for the drawing he’d seen in the video.

He shouldn’t have bothered, really. They were all creepy. 

“What makes you think he’ll listen to me?” Darryl finally asked. He was watching Thor tinker with the fountain, but he didn’t seem inclined to tell him to stop. “He’ll melt me.” 

Loki gave Darryl a look that clearly said how unlikely he thought that was, followed by handing Darryl the sketchbook. Darryl stared down at the page. Loki leaned against the bookshelf with an air of absolute confidence, his gaze set on Darryl. Thor frowned while Tony stuck his hands in his pockets. 

“I’ll do it.” 

“Excellent,” Loki said. “We shall leave you a means to contact us.” He looked to Tony. 

Tony sighed, rolling his eyes. “I don’t see why neither of you two can carry a phone.” He drew a business card from his wallet. “Text me,” Tony told Darryl. 

Darryl nodded, hand shaking as he stuck the card in his pocket. “You’ll really get rid of him?” 

Loki was the first to speak, afraid that Tony would be less willing to lie. “Absolutely. You’ll never have to see him again.” 

Darryl smiled for the first time that day. Then he looked to the door. 

“He’s going to be back soon,” Darryl said. “You should go.” He walked them to the door. Darryl was watching for his roommate’s return as they stepped outside.

“Thanks,” Tony said. Darryl nodded, watching the street. They started to turn to leave.

“It was good to see you again, Thor,” Darryl pipped up, moving his limp hand in what might’ve been a wave. Thor smiled, stepping back inside to clap Darryl on the back. 

“We shall have to have another game night,” Thor declared. 

Tony bit his cheek not to laugh at the look that put on Darryl’s face. Maybe when this was all over, he’d pay the guy’s rent so he’d never have to have a roommate again. 

 

A week passed before they heard from Darryl. 

Or to put it precisely, Tony got a frantic phone call from Darryl. “ _I_ melted someone! He told me to just point the—”

“Slow down,” Tony told him. “Slow down.” 

Darryl gasped for a breath. “I told him and he said that’s no problem for you, Sugar, and then the next thing I know we’re having dinner with a massive purple monster—”

“I’m putting you on speakerphone,” Tony said. Loki could hear his screaming through the phone anyway, but Tony still did. 

“—and he says you’ve threatened my roommate and then he just turns and smiles at me and says to try the melt stick, and I don’t know, when you carry it around so long it just becomes kind of—. The stain isn’t going to come out of the floor!” 

“Thanos is dead,” Loki said, almost in disbelief. 

“Loki? You said I’d get a new roommate—” Loki cut Darryl off, repeating his statement. “Yes,” Darryl said. “He’s dead. I’m never going to get my deposit back—”

“How would you like a new job?” Tony asked. Darryl fell silent. “I’ll find you something up here. We’ll get you your own place with no roommates. Ever.” 

“…That would be nice.” 

“I’ll fly you out in the morning,” Tony said. 

“What about the Grandmaster?” 

Tony looked to Loki, who, naturally, had ten plans in place already. “We’ll get him a new roommate,” Loki said. “Someone that appreciates his particular brand of…” 

“Crazy?” Tony supplied. 

“I was going to say megalomania, but that is acceptable,” Loki said. 

“Get packed, okay Darryl? I’ll send the ticket to you,” Tony said. “Let’s talk when it’s not two in the morning.” 

“Right! Right,” Darryl said. “Bye! Bye. Don’t forget, okay—”

“We won’t,” Loki assured him, hanging up the call. He turned to Tony with one of the most beautiful smiles the man had ever seen. 

“Thank you Darryl,” Tony mumbled as Loki drew him in. 

 

“Alright. So as your designated Earth ambassador, I declare that tonight we’re going to watch movies and introduce you to Earth culture.” Darcy plopped down on the couch, paying no mind to the way the Grandmaster righted his robes like a bird with ruffled feathers. “And look. I brought a gift for our movie night. It’s popcorn,” Darcy announced. He studied the sectioned tin like it held some sort of secret. “You eat it,” Darcy said. 

“It would be rude to deny my ambassador,” he said. 

“Nuh-uh,” Darcy said, swatting his hand away from the plain popcorn. “You don’t want that. That’s the boring filler junk they even it out with. You want this.” She spun the popcorn tin around so that caramel was facing the Grandmaster. 

He looked to her once before extending his hand towards the tin. Darcy grinned as he tried one. 

“Ah, yes, it’s quite uh, salty. And sweet. Salty and sweet. That’s good.” He took a handful. 

“So tonight we’re watching Xanadu. You’re going to love it,” Darcy said, kicking her feet up onto the coffee table. The movie began to play. 

The Grandmaster reached for more popcorn, glancing at Darcy with delight and approval. 

 

Two months later, a 24 hour roller rink named Sakaar was gaining notoriety. Darcy came and went as she pleased, often mooching something off the bartender there. Darryl was managing a completely ordinary life without any roommates. And everyone was quite happy, except for the landlord with the purple spot on the floor that nothing could clean.


End file.
